That last post was a bummer. Watch this.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sometimes It's Hard
You can't imagine how horrible Alzheimer's is. I'm watching my grandmother right now - she's sneaking some cereal that she hides in the drawer thinking that I can't see her.
She's standing right in front of me.
When she looks up and sees me, she shoves the bowl back in the drawer and walks off like nothing happened. If you think cereal in the drawer is weird, how about this - drinking sickly sweet creamer straight from the bottle. We go through about 2 bottles a week. The doctor says yeah, it's gross, but it doesn't hurt her, so if she's happy let her go on with it.
She's pretty lucid when she's at home, which is most of the time. However, if you take her out of the house for more than a day (ex. spending the night at my parent's) she's just all kinds of confused.
I went to my cousin's funeral a few weeks ago. It snowed that weekend and my grandmother didn't know where she was. She was sure she was at home, and even more convinced that someone had stolen her recycling bin. My poor mom had to practically wrestle her down to keep her from traipsing out in the snow to look for it. There are several large planters around my mother's swimming pool. Memaw saw that and said THERE IT IS, not bothering to notice the swimming pool we've never had sitting behind it.
Alzheimer's is unfair. Not just for the poor soul who loses their memory, identity and ability to take care of themselves, but for the family who has to watch it all go down. Having said that, the biggest blessing of my life has been living here these 5 years. Beyond the blessing of caring for Memaw, spending time with her and helping her with things like getting dressed, fixing her hair and making her coffee when she forgets how, I've found a church home that is priceless, a real relationship with the Lord and an appreciation for family that you just don't have until you've walked through hell with them. I know who's real and who's not, who'll stand by you and who won't and, like a mom, I've learned that you'll touch things you never thought you would touch in a million years. You do for family.
Memaw's moving into a nursing home in the coming weeks. On one hand I'm ready, excited to live my own life on my own schedule. On the other hand I'm completely broken-hearted. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just the change. Maybe it's because things have finally come to this. I know that after a week she'll be completely at home (Lord, let it be). I know that the nursing home will be able to take care of her like I never could. I know that she'll be safe and fed and that they'll keep her occupied and amused as much as she can be.
But what do I do?
It seems like a simple answer - whatever I want. But to be honest, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm keeping busy with Bible studies these days. I know that God's doing a work in me and that He's refining me and that I never have to worry because He's got it all worked out (thank You, Father), but there's always those moments where you just don't know what your purpose is anymore. I know now that my purpose is shifting. I'm not meant to be a caretaker anymore, but what AM I meant to be? I wish I knew.
I'm really not an unhappy person. I'm really quite sunny and optomistic. I have faith and trust in my great God. He's seen me through many a trial, and this time will be no different. I'm just a bit lonely. Boyfriend is gone, Grandmother's departure is imminent...I'm here all by myself. Oh it's not like I don't have friends, or the most precious family in the world to keep me company, I'm just not used to existing day to day by myself. It's an adjustment that is exciting and terrifying all at once.
So this post doesn't really have a beginning a middle or an end. I would so not pass English class with this one, but it's just some stuff that's on my mind.
Keep us in your prayers, if you would. We need 'em.
She's standing right in front of me.
When she looks up and sees me, she shoves the bowl back in the drawer and walks off like nothing happened. If you think cereal in the drawer is weird, how about this - drinking sickly sweet creamer straight from the bottle. We go through about 2 bottles a week. The doctor says yeah, it's gross, but it doesn't hurt her, so if she's happy let her go on with it.
She's pretty lucid when she's at home, which is most of the time. However, if you take her out of the house for more than a day (ex. spending the night at my parent's) she's just all kinds of confused.
I went to my cousin's funeral a few weeks ago. It snowed that weekend and my grandmother didn't know where she was. She was sure she was at home, and even more convinced that someone had stolen her recycling bin. My poor mom had to practically wrestle her down to keep her from traipsing out in the snow to look for it. There are several large planters around my mother's swimming pool. Memaw saw that and said THERE IT IS, not bothering to notice the swimming pool we've never had sitting behind it.
Alzheimer's is unfair. Not just for the poor soul who loses their memory, identity and ability to take care of themselves, but for the family who has to watch it all go down. Having said that, the biggest blessing of my life has been living here these 5 years. Beyond the blessing of caring for Memaw, spending time with her and helping her with things like getting dressed, fixing her hair and making her coffee when she forgets how, I've found a church home that is priceless, a real relationship with the Lord and an appreciation for family that you just don't have until you've walked through hell with them. I know who's real and who's not, who'll stand by you and who won't and, like a mom, I've learned that you'll touch things you never thought you would touch in a million years. You do for family.
Memaw's moving into a nursing home in the coming weeks. On one hand I'm ready, excited to live my own life on my own schedule. On the other hand I'm completely broken-hearted. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just the change. Maybe it's because things have finally come to this. I know that after a week she'll be completely at home (Lord, let it be). I know that the nursing home will be able to take care of her like I never could. I know that she'll be safe and fed and that they'll keep her occupied and amused as much as she can be.
But what do I do?
It seems like a simple answer - whatever I want. But to be honest, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm keeping busy with Bible studies these days. I know that God's doing a work in me and that He's refining me and that I never have to worry because He's got it all worked out (thank You, Father), but there's always those moments where you just don't know what your purpose is anymore. I know now that my purpose is shifting. I'm not meant to be a caretaker anymore, but what AM I meant to be? I wish I knew.
I'm really not an unhappy person. I'm really quite sunny and optomistic. I have faith and trust in my great God. He's seen me through many a trial, and this time will be no different. I'm just a bit lonely. Boyfriend is gone, Grandmother's departure is imminent...I'm here all by myself. Oh it's not like I don't have friends, or the most precious family in the world to keep me company, I'm just not used to existing day to day by myself. It's an adjustment that is exciting and terrifying all at once.
So this post doesn't really have a beginning a middle or an end. I would so not pass English class with this one, but it's just some stuff that's on my mind.
Keep us in your prayers, if you would. We need 'em.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
So I'm Just Going To Post Videos From Here On Out
Because clearly I am incapable of keeping up with posting real information on a regular basis.
So.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Anita Renfroe and she is hysterical.
I first saw her at the Women of Faith conference earlier this year and she absolutely cracked me up. She is a stand up comedian and the author of several books, including, "If You Can't Lose It, Decorate It" which, by the way, has a picture of a woman wearing a bright sparkly belt on the cover.
I think this will be my new mantra.
Now, I'm not a mom, but this song cracked me up.
Enjoy.
So.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Anita Renfroe and she is hysterical.
I first saw her at the Women of Faith conference earlier this year and she absolutely cracked me up. She is a stand up comedian and the author of several books, including, "If You Can't Lose It, Decorate It" which, by the way, has a picture of a woman wearing a bright sparkly belt on the cover.
I think this will be my new mantra.
Now, I'm not a mom, but this song cracked me up.
Enjoy.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Well How Do Ya Like That
Fossils challenge old evoluton theory By SETH BORENSTEIN, AP Science Writer
Wed Aug 8, 5:57 PM ET
WASHINGTON - Surprising research based on two African fossils suggests our family tree is more like a wayward bush with stubby branches, challenging what had been common thinking on how early humans evolved.
The discovery by Meave Leakey, a member of a famous family of paleontologists, shows that two species of early human ancestors lived at the same time in Kenya. That pokes holes in the chief theory of man's early evolution — that one of those species evolved from the other.
And it further discredits that iconic illustration of human evolution that begins with a knuckle-dragging ape and ends with a briefcase-carrying man.
The old theory is that the first and oldest species in our family tree, Homo habilis, evolved into Homo erectus, which then became human, Homo sapiens. But Leakey's find suggests those two earlier species lived side-by-side about 1.5 million years ago in parts of Kenya for at least half a million years. She and her research colleagues report the discovery in a paper published in Thursday's journal Nature.
The paper is based on fossilized bones found in 2000. The complete skull of Homo erectus was found within walking distance of an upper jaw of Homo habilis, and both dated from the same general time period. That makes it unlikely that Homo erectus evolved from Homo habilis, researchers said.
It's the equivalent of finding that your grandmother and great-grandmother were sisters rather than mother-daughter, said study co-author Fred Spoor, a professor of evolutionary anatomy at the University College in London.
The two species lived near each other, but probably didn't interact, each having its own "ecological niche," Spoor said. Homo habilis was likely more vegetarian while Homo erectus ate some meat, he said. Like chimps and apes, "they'd just avoid each other, they don't feel comfortable in each other's company," he said.
There remains some still-undiscovered common ancestor that probably lived 2 million to 3 million years ago, a time that has not left much fossil record, Spoor said.
Overall what it paints for human evolution is a "chaotic kind of looking evolutionary tree rather than this heroic march that you see with the cartoons of an early ancestor evolving into some intermediate and eventually unto us," Spoor said in a phone interview from a field office of the Koobi Fora Research Project in northern Kenya.
That old evolutionary cartoon, while popular with the general public, is just too simple and keeps getting revised, said Bill Kimbel, who praised the latest findings. He is science director of the Institute of Human Origins at Arizona State University and wasn't part of the Leakey team.
"The more we know, the more complex the story gets," he said. Scientists used to think Homo sapiens evolved from Neanderthals, he said. But now we know that both species lived during the same time period and that we did not come from Neanderthals.
Now a similar discovery applies further back in time.
Susan Anton, a New York University anthropologist and co-author of the Leakey work, said she expects anti-evolution proponents to seize on the new research, but said it would be a mistake to try to use the new work to show flaws in evolution theory.
"This is not questioning the idea at all of evolution; it is refining some of the specific points," Anton said. "This is a great example of what science does and religion doesn't do. It's a continous self-testing process."
For the past few years there has been growing doubt and debate about whether Homo habilis evolved into Homo erectus. One of the major proponents of the more linear, or ladder-like evolution that this evidence weakens, called Leakey's findings important, but he wasn't ready to concede defeat.
Dr. Bernard Wood, a surgeon-turned-professor of human origins at George Washington University, said in an e-mail Wednesday that "this is only a skirmish in the protracted 'war' between the people who like a bushy interpretation and those who like a more ladder-like interpretation of early human evolution."
Leakey's team spent seven years analyzing the fossils before announcing it was time to redraw the family tree — and rethink other ideas about human evolutionary history. That's especially true of most immediate ancestor, Homo erectus.
Because the Homo erectus skull Leakey recovered was much smaller than others, scientists had to first prove that it was erectus and not another species nor a genetic freak. The jaw, probably from an 18- or 19-year-old female, was adult and showed no signs of malformation or genetic mutations, Spoor said. The scientists also know it isn't Homo habilis from several distinct features on the jaw.
That caused researchers to re-examine the 30 other erectus skulls they have and the dozens of partial fossils. They realized that the females of that species are much smaller than the males — something different from modern man, but similar to other animals, said Anton. Scientists hadn't looked carefully enough before to see that there was a distinct difference in males and females.
Difference in size between males and females seem to be related to monogamy, the researchers said. Primates that have same-sized males and females, such as gibbons, tend to be more monogamous. Species that are not monogamous, such as gorillas and baboons, have much bigger males.
This suggests that our ancestor Homo erectus reproduced with multiple partners.
The Homo habilis jaw was dated at 1.44 million years ago. That is the youngest ever found from a species that scientists originally figured died off somewhere between 1.7 and 2 million years ago, Spoor said. It enabled scientists to say that Homo erectus and Homo habilis lived at the same time.
Wed Aug 8, 5:57 PM ET
WASHINGTON - Surprising research based on two African fossils suggests our family tree is more like a wayward bush with stubby branches, challenging what had been common thinking on how early humans evolved.
The discovery by Meave Leakey, a member of a famous family of paleontologists, shows that two species of early human ancestors lived at the same time in Kenya. That pokes holes in the chief theory of man's early evolution — that one of those species evolved from the other.
And it further discredits that iconic illustration of human evolution that begins with a knuckle-dragging ape and ends with a briefcase-carrying man.
The old theory is that the first and oldest species in our family tree, Homo habilis, evolved into Homo erectus, which then became human, Homo sapiens. But Leakey's find suggests those two earlier species lived side-by-side about 1.5 million years ago in parts of Kenya for at least half a million years. She and her research colleagues report the discovery in a paper published in Thursday's journal Nature.
The paper is based on fossilized bones found in 2000. The complete skull of Homo erectus was found within walking distance of an upper jaw of Homo habilis, and both dated from the same general time period. That makes it unlikely that Homo erectus evolved from Homo habilis, researchers said.
It's the equivalent of finding that your grandmother and great-grandmother were sisters rather than mother-daughter, said study co-author Fred Spoor, a professor of evolutionary anatomy at the University College in London.
The two species lived near each other, but probably didn't interact, each having its own "ecological niche," Spoor said. Homo habilis was likely more vegetarian while Homo erectus ate some meat, he said. Like chimps and apes, "they'd just avoid each other, they don't feel comfortable in each other's company," he said.
There remains some still-undiscovered common ancestor that probably lived 2 million to 3 million years ago, a time that has not left much fossil record, Spoor said.
Overall what it paints for human evolution is a "chaotic kind of looking evolutionary tree rather than this heroic march that you see with the cartoons of an early ancestor evolving into some intermediate and eventually unto us," Spoor said in a phone interview from a field office of the Koobi Fora Research Project in northern Kenya.
That old evolutionary cartoon, while popular with the general public, is just too simple and keeps getting revised, said Bill Kimbel, who praised the latest findings. He is science director of the Institute of Human Origins at Arizona State University and wasn't part of the Leakey team.
"The more we know, the more complex the story gets," he said. Scientists used to think Homo sapiens evolved from Neanderthals, he said. But now we know that both species lived during the same time period and that we did not come from Neanderthals.
Now a similar discovery applies further back in time.
Susan Anton, a New York University anthropologist and co-author of the Leakey work, said she expects anti-evolution proponents to seize on the new research, but said it would be a mistake to try to use the new work to show flaws in evolution theory.
"This is not questioning the idea at all of evolution; it is refining some of the specific points," Anton said. "This is a great example of what science does and religion doesn't do. It's a continous self-testing process."
For the past few years there has been growing doubt and debate about whether Homo habilis evolved into Homo erectus. One of the major proponents of the more linear, or ladder-like evolution that this evidence weakens, called Leakey's findings important, but he wasn't ready to concede defeat.
Dr. Bernard Wood, a surgeon-turned-professor of human origins at George Washington University, said in an e-mail Wednesday that "this is only a skirmish in the protracted 'war' between the people who like a bushy interpretation and those who like a more ladder-like interpretation of early human evolution."
Leakey's team spent seven years analyzing the fossils before announcing it was time to redraw the family tree — and rethink other ideas about human evolutionary history. That's especially true of most immediate ancestor, Homo erectus.
Because the Homo erectus skull Leakey recovered was much smaller than others, scientists had to first prove that it was erectus and not another species nor a genetic freak. The jaw, probably from an 18- or 19-year-old female, was adult and showed no signs of malformation or genetic mutations, Spoor said. The scientists also know it isn't Homo habilis from several distinct features on the jaw.
That caused researchers to re-examine the 30 other erectus skulls they have and the dozens of partial fossils. They realized that the females of that species are much smaller than the males — something different from modern man, but similar to other animals, said Anton. Scientists hadn't looked carefully enough before to see that there was a distinct difference in males and females.
Difference in size between males and females seem to be related to monogamy, the researchers said. Primates that have same-sized males and females, such as gibbons, tend to be more monogamous. Species that are not monogamous, such as gorillas and baboons, have much bigger males.
This suggests that our ancestor Homo erectus reproduced with multiple partners.
The Homo habilis jaw was dated at 1.44 million years ago. That is the youngest ever found from a species that scientists originally figured died off somewhere between 1.7 and 2 million years ago, Spoor said. It enabled scientists to say that Homo erectus and Homo habilis lived at the same time.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Atmostheory
I ran across this artist recently.
Christopher David Ryan. I think his art is so beautiful.
I love how he can blend graphics with photos and it's not jarring.
A lot of times text can ruin a piece, but it's so complementary, the way he uses it.
Enjoy.
Christopher David Ryan. I think his art is so beautiful.
I love how he can blend graphics with photos and it's not jarring.
A lot of times text can ruin a piece, but it's so complementary, the way he uses it.
Enjoy.
Humble Yourself and You Will Be Lifted
So today was difficult. I made the decision to end a relationship in my life and was shocked at how badly the other party took it. What I was expecting was a clean break, goodbyes and then to move on. What I ended up with was a mess. There was name calling, ugly insinuations, and very hurt feelings. I was taken way off guard. This was not at all what I had intended.
I hung up the phone feeling wounded, weepy and taken for granted. I felt like I was right and that they were very much in the wrong. I spent the rest of the afternoon just defeated. Heavy. Incapable of thinking about anything else. I talked to a sweet friend on the phone, and she was so much help. One thing she did say, though, was 'maybe she'll call later and apologize.' And I'm thinking - yeah, like I'm going to pick up THAT call. Then she said, 'it may even be that YOU need to call her back.'
Um.
No.
That felt so yuck, so wrong, soooo the opposite of what everything in me was telling me to do. The sheer enormity of my unwillingness was proof that it was exactly what I needed to do.
So I got home and dialed the phone before I could talk myself out of it, and - who knew - it was the best possible thing that could've happened. We had a good long talk, cleared the air, and realized what a miscommunication it all had been. The relationship is still over, but on much better terms.
The point I'm trying to get at is that sometimes you just have to humble yourself. It's completely against human nature, particularly when we feel like we've been wronged. But let me tell you the truth: the best thing that you can do is to keep your nose clean and take the higher road. She could have still been angry with me. She could have been insensetive and harsh and selfish, but the right thing to do would still have been to humble myself and apologize for the way that I handled things. Because, let's face it, the only thing you can control is the way that you behave and the way that you present yourself.
Anyway. I'm glad it's over and I'm looking forward to not sniffling for the rest of the day!
I hung up the phone feeling wounded, weepy and taken for granted. I felt like I was right and that they were very much in the wrong. I spent the rest of the afternoon just defeated. Heavy. Incapable of thinking about anything else. I talked to a sweet friend on the phone, and she was so much help. One thing she did say, though, was 'maybe she'll call later and apologize.' And I'm thinking - yeah, like I'm going to pick up THAT call. Then she said, 'it may even be that YOU need to call her back.'
Um.
No.
That felt so yuck, so wrong, soooo the opposite of what everything in me was telling me to do. The sheer enormity of my unwillingness was proof that it was exactly what I needed to do.
So I got home and dialed the phone before I could talk myself out of it, and - who knew - it was the best possible thing that could've happened. We had a good long talk, cleared the air, and realized what a miscommunication it all had been. The relationship is still over, but on much better terms.
The point I'm trying to get at is that sometimes you just have to humble yourself. It's completely against human nature, particularly when we feel like we've been wronged. But let me tell you the truth: the best thing that you can do is to keep your nose clean and take the higher road. She could have still been angry with me. She could have been insensetive and harsh and selfish, but the right thing to do would still have been to humble myself and apologize for the way that I handled things. Because, let's face it, the only thing you can control is the way that you behave and the way that you present yourself.
Anyway. I'm glad it's over and I'm looking forward to not sniffling for the rest of the day!
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
In Your Pants
So I ran across this yesterday.
And since I love the Harry Potter, I thought the song was too funny.
So I went to this guy's website, and it turns out that he and his brother, John Green (author of An Abundance of Katherines and Looking for Alaska), are performing this experiment where they only communicate through video blogs for a full year. I started watching their videos, and (long story short) they crack me up.
Now, I know you've all heard of the thing you do when you eat a fortune cookie - you immediately have to add "in bed" to the end of whatever the fortune may be - i.e. "A new career opportunity will present itself - in bed." So yeah, haha. Not that funny. But these guys have taken it even further. Turns out "in your pants" works very well for books. So Flannery O'Connor's classic "A Good Man is Hard to Find" becomes "A Good Man is Hard to Find In Your Pants."
So true.
Of course it becomes hysterically funny when you're telling your mother about this over lunch in the church library, and you can't look anywhere with out finding another insanely hysterical one (or hideously inappropriate one). For instance -
Perilous Pursuits In Your Pants
How Now Shall We Live? In Your Pants
This Too Shall Pass In Your Pants
Oh the list goes on.
Anyway.
I invite each of you to discover what hidden treasures lie in your bookshelves. Or your pants.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
In Which She Can't Choose a Book
I am the absolute worst at picking out a book. I confess, I am 100% guilty of judging a book by it's cover. I think I'm partially undiagnosed ADD, so sitting and reading the first bit of a book does me no good, because I'm not really paying any attention to what I'm reading. All I'm thinking is yeah...yeah...ok...whatever...maybe this cute green one will be better. Or the pink one under that...or, ooh maybe if I get a chai latte I'll be inspired. Maybe I'll read something uber-intellectual, philosophy, or OOH yeah, don't they sell Yoga mats here? BENJAMIN BUNNY!
I need some gingko-biloba or something.
I ended up leaving the book store with a receipt organizer and a blank notebook. Got to the car and realized I CAN'T READ THIS.
So. If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears. Clearly I can't make this decision on my own.
I need some gingko-biloba or something.
I ended up leaving the book store with a receipt organizer and a blank notebook. Got to the car and realized I CAN'T READ THIS.
So. If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears. Clearly I can't make this decision on my own.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Pardon Me While I Hose Myself Down
For those of you who live in Atlanta, you know that March is a very special time of year. Spring comes early here. We already have green grass, leaves on the trees, the daffodills have already done their thing....and THE OAK TREES ARE ATTACKING US ALL. No lie. The trees are trying to kill us. Maybe it's revenge for cutting them all down to build McMansion neighborhoods, or, even worse, those little cardboard box houses with 5 feet of "yard" around them.
Let me explain -
I walk outside on my lunch break thinking I might eat my lunch in the park or something. It's nice out - unseasonably warm, sunny, all that - when I am BLOWN IN THE FACE BY A GIANT YELLOW DUST CLOUD. Pollen. And lots of it. I now have gross yellow crud all in my eyes, all over my clothes, and my black car is kind of a weird greenish color.
So I check the pollen count for today. The pollen scale is this:
And today's pollen count is........5,499!
They seriously need to rethink their scale.
Let me explain -
I walk outside on my lunch break thinking I might eat my lunch in the park or something. It's nice out - unseasonably warm, sunny, all that - when I am BLOWN IN THE FACE BY A GIANT YELLOW DUST CLOUD. Pollen. And lots of it. I now have gross yellow crud all in my eyes, all over my clothes, and my black car is kind of a weird greenish color.
So I check the pollen count for today. The pollen scale is this:
And today's pollen count is........5,499!
They seriously need to rethink their scale.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Oolong, Take Me Away
Knitting has completely taken over my life. There is yarn everywhere. I buy books about knitting, I read magazines about knitting, a significant portion of my income goes towards yarn and knitting-related accessories. No lie, I spent 15 hours straight making a stuffed turtle. Hey Brit - does Pingpong need a buddy? Knitty.com rules.
Here are a few of my completed and not-quite completed projects:
This is the cutest bunny pattern I've ever seen, courtsey of "Last Minute Knitted Gifts"
Sheldon!
The yarn used to make this purse is handspun in Nepal from the snipped ends of saris. This picture doesn't really do the yarn justice. It's really gorgeous.
This is a prayer shawl I crocheted for the prayer blanket ministry at church. We pray over these and send them to people who need to wrap up in a little love.
This is the first half of a pinafore I'm making for my cousin's baby. So much better than pink, don't you agree?
I have also discovered Corinne Bailey Rae and Oolong tea. I swear, someone should pay me to hang out and knit. I could be a study on ultimate relaxation! There's got to be some money in that somewhere...
Tea is relatively new to me. I started with chai and moved on to green. The word oolong was a big intimidating initially, but, oh yeah, I handled it. I think Mate will be next. I've been feeling....polluted lately. I'm so sick of being addicted to manufactured, refined, high-fructose, dextrosebenzoatedilithiumwhatevers. Today breakfast was a banana and lunch was an avocado on Wasa crackers with my sweet jasmine oolong tea. I hate vegetables, but I bought ALL OF EM today at the grocery store. There's got to be SOME way to make those nutrient-rich buggers taste good. Any suggestions are more than welcome!
A lot has changed since I last posted. I quit teaching outside of my home. My hours were increased at the church and I'm only teaching 2 days out of the week from the house. Woohoo! That was supposed to leave time for errands, Bible study, exercise....somehow (knit purl knit purl) that's not been the case. The house is a bit cleaner though. My baby sister is getting married, I turned 28 (sigh), my chef-ie brother has decided to move from his fancy-pants restaurant here in Atlanta to a fancy-pants restaurant in New York, I discovered Grey's Anatomy, my mom had a cancer scare (benign, thank God) and my cousin was, true story, miraculously healed from cancer. One day it's there, the next it's not. Life is wacky.
Unfortunately, I'm so stuck in a routine rut it's almost unbearable. Have you ever gotten so comfortable being miserable that you resist changing the routine that you loathe? I haven't had a real vacation in .... 5 years? Yep. 5 years. That's pathetic.
Travelocity.com here I come.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Composting
So this is why I haven't posted for the last week...
'Life is compost.'
I blinked.
'You think that a strange thing to say, but it’s true. All my life and all my experience, the events that have befallen me, the people I have known, all my memories, dreams, fantasies, everything I have ever read, all of that has been chucked into the compost heap where over time it has rotted down to a dark, rich, organic mulch. The process of cellular breakdown makes it unrecognizable. Other people call it the imagination. I think of it as a compost heap. Every so often I take an idea, plant it in the compost, and wait. It feeds on that black stuff that used to be a life, takes its energy for its own. It germinates. Takes root. Produces shoots. And so on and so forth, until one fine day I have a story, or a novel.'
I nodded, liking the analogy.
'Readers,' continued Miss Winter, 'are fools. They believe all writing is autobiographical. And so it is, but not in the way they think. The writer’s life needs time to rot away before it can be used to nourish a work of fiction. It must be allowed to decay. That’s why I couldn’t have journalists and biographers rummaging around in my past, retrieving bits and pieces of it, preserving it in their words. To write my books I needed my past left in peace, for time to do its work.'
From Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale
'Life is compost.'
I blinked.
'You think that a strange thing to say, but it’s true. All my life and all my experience, the events that have befallen me, the people I have known, all my memories, dreams, fantasies, everything I have ever read, all of that has been chucked into the compost heap where over time it has rotted down to a dark, rich, organic mulch. The process of cellular breakdown makes it unrecognizable. Other people call it the imagination. I think of it as a compost heap. Every so often I take an idea, plant it in the compost, and wait. It feeds on that black stuff that used to be a life, takes its energy for its own. It germinates. Takes root. Produces shoots. And so on and so forth, until one fine day I have a story, or a novel.'
I nodded, liking the analogy.
'Readers,' continued Miss Winter, 'are fools. They believe all writing is autobiographical. And so it is, but not in the way they think. The writer’s life needs time to rot away before it can be used to nourish a work of fiction. It must be allowed to decay. That’s why I couldn’t have journalists and biographers rummaging around in my past, retrieving bits and pieces of it, preserving it in their words. To write my books I needed my past left in peace, for time to do its work.'
From Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale
Friday, October 20, 2006
If Only
It is times like these when you realize just how awesome health care is. How nice it is to just pay $20 and hear 'the doctor will see you now.' They take care of you, pat your knee, and give you a prescription that, when filled, will make it all go away in 24-48 hours.
It would be so sweet if I had medical insurance.
Unfortunately, I am doomed to sit here with my stuffy nose and achy head in my sweaty, clammy skin.
I feel like poop.
It would be so sweet if I had medical insurance.
Unfortunately, I am doomed to sit here with my stuffy nose and achy head in my sweaty, clammy skin.
I feel like poop.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
An Attempt
This poem sums up so much of what I haven't been able to put into words. When you say you're a Christian people put up their anti-ballistics shields. Personal security alerts are raised to red in anticipation of spiritual terrorism. And beyond that, expectations are unfounded and misguided. I'm not capable of living a perfect life, and my mistakes don't make me a hypocrite. I'm not going to try to explain anymore. Maya's got my back.
Christian
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.
~Maya Angelou~
Christian
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.
~Maya Angelou~
Haikus and Jicama
Saturday just feels different, doesn't it? I start every Saturday out the same way. Get up, turn on the iTunes, bop around while I mop, vacuum, dust, do dishes, pry boyfriend from couch, fluff couch, then light yummy smelly candles. All the while, the sun just streams through the windows differently. The sky looks a little bluer, or if it's raining, it's deliciously darker. Since I work such ridiculous hours, Saturday is my only day to clean. I teach Saturday mornings, so it's good that I always have that extra incentive to clean thoroughly. Company's coming! God forbid they should see last night's gooey pots and pans. I'm sure they wouldn't care, but I really, really do.
But oh, Saturday. Once the teaching's done, the day is wide open to do whatever I want. I spent today spending some time with a sweet girl that I usually teach on Wednesdays. She's got an audition coming up, so we're putting in some extra time. It feels good to be plugged in to the younger generation, even if I don't understand WHAT is SO GREAT about Good Charlotte, or whatever stuff they're listening to these days. Those whippersnappers, I tell you...
It's funny, even though the styles and the music and the circumstances change, 14 is 14 is 14. Parents still have the same complaints, girls are still kicking and biting for every inch of 'freedom' they can possess, and oh the boys boys boys. The he-said, she-said never changes and school perpetually sucks. The part that makes my heart ache the most is how MUCH these kids thirst for approval. The majority of my students are in middle school and high school, and oh, the lengths they'll go to, the things they'll do, the individuality they'll betray just to feel included, wanted, signficant. I suppose we all have to go through that, but at what cost? Isn't there some class they can take where we adults show them where all the wrong paths lead? Pregnancy, rape, drugs, complacency, apathy, misery. For crying out loud kids, just don't do it! I love 'em so. I do I do I do.
Anyway.
I went out last night. Like...OUT out. Yay! Man, that was the first time in I don't know when that I've been downtown (Atlanta). Grace and I went to a cool little tapas restaurant where we could write on the tables. Oh yeah. We left a sweet haiku for our waitress. ;) We had duck tostadas with mole sauce, and crab cakes on jicama salad. It was deLIcious. Then we went to uber-trendy Bazaar and sat on couches with moroccan lanterns and pillows in a room that could only have been darker if they had turned the lights completely out. The place was bumpin' though, and the music was great. The only bummer, I came out smelling like an ashtray. But, hey, it's a small price to pay for a night of freedom. Thank you, Grace, for dragging my sorry bee-hiney out even when I don't want to go.
But oh, Saturday. Once the teaching's done, the day is wide open to do whatever I want. I spent today spending some time with a sweet girl that I usually teach on Wednesdays. She's got an audition coming up, so we're putting in some extra time. It feels good to be plugged in to the younger generation, even if I don't understand WHAT is SO GREAT about Good Charlotte, or whatever stuff they're listening to these days. Those whippersnappers, I tell you...
It's funny, even though the styles and the music and the circumstances change, 14 is 14 is 14. Parents still have the same complaints, girls are still kicking and biting for every inch of 'freedom' they can possess, and oh the boys boys boys. The he-said, she-said never changes and school perpetually sucks. The part that makes my heart ache the most is how MUCH these kids thirst for approval. The majority of my students are in middle school and high school, and oh, the lengths they'll go to, the things they'll do, the individuality they'll betray just to feel included, wanted, signficant. I suppose we all have to go through that, but at what cost? Isn't there some class they can take where we adults show them where all the wrong paths lead? Pregnancy, rape, drugs, complacency, apathy, misery. For crying out loud kids, just don't do it! I love 'em so. I do I do I do.
Anyway.
I went out last night. Like...OUT out. Yay! Man, that was the first time in I don't know when that I've been downtown (Atlanta). Grace and I went to a cool little tapas restaurant where we could write on the tables. Oh yeah. We left a sweet haiku for our waitress. ;) We had duck tostadas with mole sauce, and crab cakes on jicama salad. It was deLIcious. Then we went to uber-trendy Bazaar and sat on couches with moroccan lanterns and pillows in a room that could only have been darker if they had turned the lights completely out. The place was bumpin' though, and the music was great. The only bummer, I came out smelling like an ashtray. But, hey, it's a small price to pay for a night of freedom. Thank you, Grace, for dragging my sorry bee-hiney out even when I don't want to go.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Fiddle Dee Dee
So I am officially the last person in America to have a blog. I've never blogged. I've never really read blogs until lately. From what I gather they're just diaries that people can read. Which is weird. I spent years hiding my diary from prying eyes (read: snoops), and here we are just laying our souls bare for the world to see. Hmm.
Anyway, a little about me, if you're interested:
I am an adminstrative assistant at a church by day and a violin teacher by night. Which leaves approximately no time for anything else. I still try though! I'm a rabid reader/knitter/crocheter. More crochet than knitting these days, due to the excessive suck factor associated with my knitting skills. I am positively addicted to Bible Studies. I'm in two right now, Beth Moore's Daniel and Disciple III. Disciple runs August through April, so it's almost like being in school again, with nearly as much work! I love it, though. What can I say about Beth Moore? Her teaching has changed my life. She's amazing. I HIGHLY recommend her studies.
I could do a long list of likes and dislikes, but you guys (if there's anyone out there) probably don't give a rip, so I'll maybe just give you an idea...
* I had sushi for dinner (yay!)
* I spent half my day at the church this morning doing my very favorite part of my job, which is creating event advertising posters in MS Publisher
* The next 10 songs on shuffle on my iPod are:
Ice - Sarah McLachlan
Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer
Information Travels Faster - Death Cab for Cutie
Until the End of the World - U2
Nightingale - Norah Jones
String Quartet No. 8 - Shostakovich
Appalachia Waltz - O'Conner, Ma, Meyer
King of Glory - Third Day
The Rooster Moans - Iron & Wine
My Old Man - Joni Mitchell
* My best, best friend is my mom
* I'm addicted to chai tea
* My last vacation was to the mountains of West Virginia
* I HAVE to watch Lost every Wednesday. Don't call me on Wednesday. I won't answer. No.
* This is my new car! Unfortunately, I had to nearly be killed in my old car to get it.
* As far as I can tell MySpace sucks. Except that I found a friend there I haven't seen in 13 years. Yay! But I mean honestly...how many freaky deaky porn groups are going to 'invite' me in? Blech.
So that's me for now.
And her first blog is complete.
Peace Out.
Anyway, a little about me, if you're interested:
I am an adminstrative assistant at a church by day and a violin teacher by night. Which leaves approximately no time for anything else. I still try though! I'm a rabid reader/knitter/crocheter. More crochet than knitting these days, due to the excessive suck factor associated with my knitting skills. I am positively addicted to Bible Studies. I'm in two right now, Beth Moore's Daniel and Disciple III. Disciple runs August through April, so it's almost like being in school again, with nearly as much work! I love it, though. What can I say about Beth Moore? Her teaching has changed my life. She's amazing. I HIGHLY recommend her studies.
I could do a long list of likes and dislikes, but you guys (if there's anyone out there) probably don't give a rip, so I'll maybe just give you an idea...
* I had sushi for dinner (yay!)
* I spent half my day at the church this morning doing my very favorite part of my job, which is creating event advertising posters in MS Publisher
* The next 10 songs on shuffle on my iPod are:
Ice - Sarah McLachlan
Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer
Information Travels Faster - Death Cab for Cutie
Until the End of the World - U2
Nightingale - Norah Jones
String Quartet No. 8 - Shostakovich
Appalachia Waltz - O'Conner, Ma, Meyer
King of Glory - Third Day
The Rooster Moans - Iron & Wine
My Old Man - Joni Mitchell
* My best, best friend is my mom
* I'm addicted to chai tea
* My last vacation was to the mountains of West Virginia
* I HAVE to watch Lost every Wednesday. Don't call me on Wednesday. I won't answer. No.
* This is my new car! Unfortunately, I had to nearly be killed in my old car to get it.
* As far as I can tell MySpace sucks. Except that I found a friend there I haven't seen in 13 years. Yay! But I mean honestly...how many freaky deaky porn groups are going to 'invite' me in? Blech.
So that's me for now.
And her first blog is complete.
Peace Out.
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